John Rambo

Upon Brian Dennehy’s recent request via email I took initiative over the weekend to see the latest installment of the Rambo series। I have to admit it though being twenty+ years since Rambo III it didn’t take a lot of convincing to weigh it on the Mike Stone Massive Movie Scale। Click on chart to zoom in on these amazing numbers.

The movie was spectacular! In this new movie, Rambo is making a living welding steel and catching snakes in a small Burmese village when a group of Stupid, Peaceful, Colorado Tree Huggers beg Rambo to take them by river into the war ground near Rangoon to help suffering children. Rambo warned them Burma was a warzone and their mission was suicide, but he fell for this blond woman so he did it and much like he expected they all got captured and raped and were being fed to wild boars. So now Rambo is forced to team up with these badass, loudmouthed mercenaries for the rescue mission. I have to admit the team was decent at killing and rescuing and Rambo is of course better than spectacular.

Rambo is much older, wiser and even though he keeps his shirt on the entire movie he is better at killing. Kills in this movie averages over 2.5 a minute.


Highlights: 113 registered kills, explosions, atomic bombs, sonic booms, decapitations, body dismembering grenade tosses, fancy barrel rolls, intense Stallone Stare downs with the enemies, throat rips. No fancy high tech camera recording in this true story, they just hammered down a camera next to one of those large-caliber, high velocity tank guns and recorded the gun with the help of Rambo mow down the enemy. Very inspirational, there is actually a lesson to be learned here unlike the rest of the movies that have come out in 2008, Rambo had a reason to fight and to kill.

Weakness: It was so intense and exciting that it could have went on longer, maybe like three hours. No naked breasts in any Rambo movie, whats up with that? Evil Burmese, Army General was having sexual intercourse with young boys.

With that being said it is no wonder Rambo so eloquently put it “If your pushed….Killing is as easy as breathing.”

Rambo weighs in as almost as heavy as they come 9 out of 10 pounds, Bravo!

Check out Mike Stone’s video documentation of his trip to Rambo at

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/bec334b806